Just frustrated with life

Sometimes there is a point in your life when you feel like beating yourself up just because you know that you are going down the wrong path in life.

The very day when I said "I do" was the greatest mistake of my life. Why would I stoop so low just to remain in the United States for a damned green card. There is no doubt that the US has many opportunities and many freedoms afforded to all who fight for the right to stay and be free to pursue your dreams, as compared to other countries who are still developing and have a more conservative background and highly racially biased advantages / disadvantageous similar to affirmative action but in reverse whereby the majority race is afforded select privileges just because they aren't as successful and that they are the key holders to the political scene.

How would my life have been different if I had stuck to my prior employer, either gone to Canada else India else back home to Malaysia? I don't know, could have been better, could have been worse. In retrospect, I definitely was looking at the mirror in the chapel just before the wedding ceremony started, they had to hide me away temporarily from the bride to be able to have her brought to the staging area.

I looked at myself and definitely did say "here goes nothing" and "am I really doing this? I don't think I fully like or love this person and that she's unemployed". Damned fucking right I made a mistake and 3 years later I am paying for it, still am. Damned US legislation makes it expensive to divorce and to a certain degree I don't blame people who either commit suicide else kill their spouse rather than go thru the broken inept court systems and divorce system. WA, NV, CA and a few other states practice a very stupid law of community property which bugs the shit out of me.

I mean seriously, if the relationship is over, there should be no reason to financially support another, you're on your own, how different is that when before you both met? What does the damned law actually do except shift the burden on to the party who is earning more. From a capitalistic point of view, this is not efficient nor productive. This does thread upon my belief of survival of the fittest and that if you do not have a job or means of survival, your life should be deemed forfeit, null & void and you do not get a free meal ticket. You die, your genetics gets erased from the pool, this is how nature has it. With all these "being human" and of higher intellectual capability, I don't buy that shit. Life's hard, get over it, overcome it and do what you have to do to survive.

Right now, both my hard earned tax dollars are going to unemployment, to people who are way too entitled to stoop down to work a lower paying job and rather sit on their asses, doing half assed efforts of showing proof of "applying for 3 jobs" per week and showing it to the unemployment office just to get some of my hard earned tax dollars. Aside from this, she is of course mooching off of me, not wanting to do something freelance or even reinvent themselves and rather follow what Robert Kiyosaki always say, we are paid and trained in the traditional outdated industrial days just for a meager wage while businesses and entities make a ton of money along with tax shelters to grow wealthy while an income tax is the highest tax.

Seriously, it is insanity to keep trying the same strategy and hoping for a different outcome. If jobs are not forthcoming, go make your own job, create that small business entity and do what you like, create jobs for other people and have them work for you and make you the money while you pull the strings in the background, and get paid for it rather than toiling and wasting away being unhappy at trying to search for a job in a tough job marketplace. When I think about both my single days and about what my parents said about watching TV, it is so true. I will definitely take part fault that I am burnt out at times after work and wanting to just relax after work, but putting television as a priority rather than small simple 20 minute a day house chores or for that matter, even sex, that's just messed up. What I can and am trying to do more now is to be true to my 20 minute a day home cleaning, because I can no longer rely on some lazy ass, who is "busy job hunting" and not able to do simple house chores to keep the home clean.

Speaking of equal opportunity rights, I truly feel that the current marriage institution, laws and how it's set up, it is meant to fail on the man's part when a divorce occurs, else it's all hunky dory. I guess the rebel in me says that Why should a man be penalized and need to continue to take care of a spouse if the relationship is done? Can they not find a job and be self sustaining? I call BS on that whole mentality, which more often than not falls on the man who supposedly earns more money. This responsibility should not fall on the man, regardless of who wants to end the marriage? You are your own entity and you should be able to fend for yourself and not rely on others unless you're really that inept. Is it because of the whole debate of "women are paid less than men" argument? I don't buy that.

Seattle Public library is awesome

Can't beat the internet speed here and the comfort and quiet in the top most floor of the library. Thank you Seattle & the public library system.

Interesting article by Tricia Romano

I happen to see an article http://www.salon.com/2014/05/30/amazon_is_killing_my_sex_life_partner/ and actually read thru it and the comments on the article. It's not a new article and it actually recently made it into my FB feed since I just happen to indulge in it a little.

This is the problem which I have with the article, (and to a certain degree, the newer generation of journalists / social media genre of reporting) that it sounds pretty one sided. It wasn't a research type article, she did not interview a large enough sample of female participants or even better still interview many of these snobbish techie geeky guys, and it ends up that this article is more like a personal tirade against techie single men in Seattle and how they lack in social skills etc.

There are points to be taken, and it's not just the locals who are in tech but also with the South Asian geeks. I have observed a few of these more socially conservative south Asian men who try to fit into the North American lifestyle and have indulged in things that I do not care for, namely getting drunk and have their liquid encouragement to try their luck at hitting up a girl, and smoking marijuana to "gain weight" through munchies. This is definitely very narrow and targeted, observed specifically on 2 such individuals, and may not necessarily reflect overall. as one of the people mentioned, part of the problem is indeed the money factor and immaturity.

They definitely can use some social polishing up and dress a little better, pursue more fun things in life and getting a life outside of work, no doubt about that. A few of the people who contributed to the comments nailed it on the head that there are quite a few of them who are introverted and nerdy as such, and also due to what corporations do to people, to a certain degree a Seattle clique whereby the first few things people ask upon initial meeting is where did you go to school / what do you work as. Take it with a grain of salt, some people do ask that to judge, others take it as a gauge to see what / who they're dealing with and couldn't care more beyond what you do as your day job.

Yep you could say I am defending my fellow geeks, but I'm far from cookie cutter. I do indulge in the outdoors and bicycling and kayaking, but I don't take it that seriously until it gets old. Yes I have done the STP 4x, 2 days on a dual suspension mountain bike, I am passionate about bicycling but at the same time I would not overwhelm you about it unless if you show interest and are on the verge of taking up bicycling, be it casually, commuting or possibly getting all hardcore about it. I do have a personality & interests outside of tech, and as a matter of fact I'm almost tired of tech and looking into breaking out from the 8 -5 and start my own business. All these tech and requirements and experience can get overwhelming and can be about trumpet blowing.

Anyway, gone are the days of good journalism and to a certain degree we have traded that in for more of a 1 person crusade and tirade rather than a holistic and all encompassing approach to reporting about a subject that might actually be good and leave you thinking and saying "hmm that definitely was interesting and something to talk about". Rather than be like my blog posts... a 1 person tirade and complaining about things that I don't particularly favor.

Movie review: This Is Where I Leave You

It was a really good movie, very well cast for the roles and my favorite character was Philip Altman, the youngest sibling, played by Adam Driver. I am the youngest in the family so that would definitely explain why I'd relate the most with his character.

The movie starts out with the setting of typical modern day, North American, dysfunctional family, where there was a death in the family and many of the siblings aren't necessarily as close as they used to be growing up. The focus is somewhat on the main character Judd Altman played by Jason Bateman who is a radio show producer who finds out 2 tragic news whereby his dad passed away and that his employer, the D.J. personality was having an affair with his wife, on their 3rd anniversary day.

So then comes the fun part, like a Big Brother reality show where the family and some in laws are grouped together under the same roof which they grew up in, rekindling fond and no so fond memories and themselves just being the way that they are. the matriarch of the family, Hillary Altman enforces the Jewish tradition of Shiva for 7 days and they are forced to sit down low in observance and to grief and reflect.

Talk about communication and expectations, hesitations, being authentic about yourself and your thoughts etc. I truly feel that as humans, we sugar coat too much, hide behind words and what we truly mean and have our actions be unaligned with what we say or truly mean to do.

Ok just stopping here, lost the inspiration to write more about the movie, go watch it, it's good.

You cannot afford to be technologically challenged in this day and age

Call it a generation gap and just a difference in how a geek's mind works or more like someone who's more technologically inclined, but I'm comfortable trying out new gadgetry and fully embrace "to the cloud" or having things virtual.

Just can't put into words the level of frustration when people express their fear of things being stored online and the what if power goes out, I want a physical fax machine bla bla bla. So to put things into perspective, yes online things can get hacked and we definitely should take caution with regards to what can / should be stored online and definitely have multiple local backups.

So maybe on a different perspective, this is more of a frustration rather than technological ineptness, since I'd like to think that I do keep up with open source and things that are low to no cost when it comes to getting work done. Along with that line of thought, I am partially at fault also when I communicate poorly and in my mind I think and assume that I am communicating things well enough and I assume too much that people are familiar with how things work like Open Office, Google drive and Google Docs and Sheets, and the Office Online.

It's interesting because I did see someone post that they were looking for writing opportunities and is frustrated that they are not interested in learning online writing tools like wordpress and other online social media outlets. Not to diss the typewriter, I think it is an awesome classic tool which I would like to have one to play with, but this is very similar to Gone Girl where both of the title characters lost their newspaper journalist / article writer positions due to the burst of online media and news reporting, hence resulting in layoffs at the newspaper.

Ingress to a rant of unemployment to the fate of humanity

Been pretty busy with both work and a new little game call ingress www.ingress.com and it's been interesting & fun. Very addictive, good for making you walk (or bike) a lot more to get to portals to play the game and discover interesting local art and facts about your surroundings and new places.

It's almost like geocaching but with a more geeky and nerdy side to things. when I first started out, the past weekend it was a learning curve about what the game was and what I should do, getting all proud that I got to establish 2 new local portals which were nearby and interesting enough (George the Giraffe & the Dick's Burger & Fries drive in at Lake City) and then getting all pissed that the "enemy faction" took over those portals and it kinda keeps going back and forth. I had to do a reality & addiction check to make sure that I wasn't getting way to involved into it as it is just a game.

Not really resigned but pretty much I'll just play it more casually and not achieve some crazy geek or nerd status like overcompensating for something else hah! It's just a game, pretty fun one too.

Pineapple seems to be growing, no signs of prominent roots yet but it does take about 3 weeks for anything visible to happen.

Work front, well just bored of what I'm doing, definitely need a change in career / company and in a more fostering environment and learn new things. getting jaded and tired to be truthful.

Many times I try really hard to just be in the moment and not harbor ill thoughts, it is hard but my gripe with unemployment or maybe more like people who choose not to better themselves. The communists kinda had it right that it is illegal to be unemployed. Of course from my understanding, the end result is that people are forced to be employed or work at jobs which they do not desire.

I truly believe that colleges and the government need to pay attention to the job market and know what's growing and what is not and don't simply give degrees to fields which are not in demand. It may be harsh, but at the rate that humanity is growing, it is not sustainable. We as a human race DO NOT need to breed like rabbits. resources are finite, we should not squander it as a species and result in a permanently damaged ecosystem. We do not need more human beings, when will humanity start realizing this?

In that mindset, consider this situation. A dual income family is now down to single income, home is financed under one of the spouses who is a somewhat high earner and in general will not lose the house. The spouse who is not working has the flexibility of job hunting and not worrying about food not utilities nor house mortgage repayment. I definitely understand that looking for a job is a full time gig and filing for unemployment is no fun. I hate to play devil's advocate to say that if you can't make in this world, you deserve to wither off and die from the gene pool, but truth be told that is how nature operates and the human condition perverts this law of nature by prolonging life that was never really meant to be. The angst that I feel about this situation is that:

1) Insanity is when you keep repeating what you do, hoping to see a different result

2) Robert Kiyosaki said that those who are in the "E" Employee quadrant who do not see the light, will always remain in the E quadrant... begging an employer for a paycheck and benefits. Until the day they realize the laws of money has changed and that they need to get into business tax bracket, that is when you will truly enjoy financial freedom.

I feel jaded and burnt out that I am pretty much living form paycheck to paycheck, while, it may seem, no effort is put on others to learn lesson #2 and realize that they need to get into business. I feel like I am doing the whole "if you want to get things done, do it yourself" as I am part of a 2 person team in my LLC, and seems like I am spearheading all the work and not much is done from the other business partner. There's a lot of talk but no solid action, and the other party is not putting words into action nor taking a priority in what I think is important in life.

Anyway I'll definitely have to find a solution and forge and force my way through by hook or by crook if need be to get my LLC off the ground. Fingers are crossed. I'm gonna treat this post as the "write the angry letter on the piece of paper and then burn it off" and move on to a new day and live for today and forget all things that bring me down and handle it day by day.

My new happy place

So I have discovered, or should I say rediscovered my passion for kite flying.

Surprisingly sometimes the simplest of kites, like those in the shape of a delta (triangle) and regular diamond shaped ones flew perfectly and required very little wind force and flew steadily. The delta which I have is a Spiderman kite, about 3 feet wing span with 2 awesome red streamers / tail requires little to no effort.

My company's CES launch advertisement kite had a false start and didn't fly as high and had a weird spinning effect. That was soon rectified once I moved the cross stem to bend downward, so a downward concave and it started behaving nicely.

It's almost been a year since we purchased the Minion Kite from Costco on a whim and finally got a chance to fly it in Cannon Beach OR and it was really fun. It flew pretty high and definitely attracted a few children's attention. I'm actually surprised why I don't see more of them in the sky but I guess it's because mainstream kite enthusiasts aren't that much into branded things / kites associated with movie characters.

At Cannon Beach we visited an awesome kite shop there: The Kite Factory 339 North Fir St Cannon Beach, OR 97110, run by a total hippie free spirit man which was fun to talk to and very knowledgeable about kites, with VERY flexible hours and and we ended up buying a nice box kite. When we first drove by we saw it was open and as soon as we did a u-turn to go check it out it was closed. As soon as we started peeking in and tried the door, he ran to the reopen the store from inside and welcomed us in. he said that business was slow so he just closed up and was going to go get a beer.

Still trying to get a feel of the kite as it does require 7 mph minimum sustained winds and seems like it flies pretty well. I flew it at Magnuson Park for a bit at kite hill and it was a bit crowded. I hope to find a spot where it's open and not as crowded so I can have more airspace. Only regret is that it doesn't have awesome streamers on it which would make it look pretty cool once airborne. It's also feature in the top most picture with Spiderman.