Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Just frustrated with life

Sometimes there is a point in your life when you feel like beating yourself up just because you know that you are going down the wrong path in life.

The very day when I said "I do" was the greatest mistake of my life. Why would I stoop so low just to remain in the United States for a damned green card. There is no doubt that the US has many opportunities and many freedoms afforded to all who fight for the right to stay and be free to pursue your dreams, as compared to other countries who are still developing and have a more conservative background and highly racially biased advantages / disadvantageous similar to affirmative action but in reverse whereby the majority race is afforded select privileges just because they aren't as successful and that they are the key holders to the political scene.

How would my life have been different if I had stuck to my prior employer, either gone to Canada else India else back home to Malaysia? I don't know, could have been better, could have been worse. In retrospect, I definitely was looking at the mirror in the chapel just before the wedding ceremony started, they had to hide me away temporarily from the bride to be able to have her brought to the staging area.

I looked at myself and definitely did say "here goes nothing" and "am I really doing this? I don't think I fully like or love this person and that she's unemployed". Damned fucking right I made a mistake and 3 years later I am paying for it, still am. Damned US legislation makes it expensive to divorce and to a certain degree I don't blame people who either commit suicide else kill their spouse rather than go thru the broken inept court systems and divorce system. WA, NV, CA and a few other states practice a very stupid law of community property which bugs the shit out of me.

I mean seriously, if the relationship is over, there should be no reason to financially support another, you're on your own, how different is that when before you both met? What does the damned law actually do except shift the burden on to the party who is earning more. From a capitalistic point of view, this is not efficient nor productive. This does thread upon my belief of survival of the fittest and that if you do not have a job or means of survival, your life should be deemed forfeit, null & void and you do not get a free meal ticket. You die, your genetics gets erased from the pool, this is how nature has it. With all these "being human" and of higher intellectual capability, I don't buy that shit. Life's hard, get over it, overcome it and do what you have to do to survive.

Right now, both my hard earned tax dollars are going to unemployment, to people who are way too entitled to stoop down to work a lower paying job and rather sit on their asses, doing half assed efforts of showing proof of "applying for 3 jobs" per week and showing it to the unemployment office just to get some of my hard earned tax dollars. Aside from this, she is of course mooching off of me, not wanting to do something freelance or even reinvent themselves and rather follow what Robert Kiyosaki always say, we are paid and trained in the traditional outdated industrial days just for a meager wage while businesses and entities make a ton of money along with tax shelters to grow wealthy while an income tax is the highest tax.

Seriously, it is insanity to keep trying the same strategy and hoping for a different outcome. If jobs are not forthcoming, go make your own job, create that small business entity and do what you like, create jobs for other people and have them work for you and make you the money while you pull the strings in the background, and get paid for it rather than toiling and wasting away being unhappy at trying to search for a job in a tough job marketplace. When I think about both my single days and about what my parents said about watching TV, it is so true. I will definitely take part fault that I am burnt out at times after work and wanting to just relax after work, but putting television as a priority rather than small simple 20 minute a day house chores or for that matter, even sex, that's just messed up. What I can and am trying to do more now is to be true to my 20 minute a day home cleaning, because I can no longer rely on some lazy ass, who is "busy job hunting" and not able to do simple house chores to keep the home clean.

Speaking of equal opportunity rights, I truly feel that the current marriage institution, laws and how it's set up, it is meant to fail on the man's part when a divorce occurs, else it's all hunky dory. I guess the rebel in me says that Why should a man be penalized and need to continue to take care of a spouse if the relationship is done? Can they not find a job and be self sustaining? I call BS on that whole mentality, which more often than not falls on the man who supposedly earns more money. This responsibility should not fall on the man, regardless of who wants to end the marriage? You are your own entity and you should be able to fend for yourself and not rely on others unless you're really that inept. Is it because of the whole debate of "women are paid less than men" argument? I don't buy that.